In the telling of the "Most Hilariously (In Retrospect) Awkward Moment Ever", I shall begin with rather official-looking bullet points.
My mother stays with me a few days a week to save on gas money. Okay so far.Point 2.
I read fanfiction. A LOT of fanfiction. Literally millions of words a YEAR, in fanfiction.
Subpoint A. Much of this fanfiction is slash aka Male/Male relationship
Subpoint B. Of that fiction, some of it is NC-17 aka NSFW aka pr0n
Point 3. My mother loves to look things up on Wikipedia or IMDB related to movies she's watching on TCM.
Point 4. She usually can get me to look it up for her, as I'm probably already online, doing activities related to Points 2, 2A, and 2B.
Point 5. My mother is unopposed to using my stuff without asking.
Now that we've established "Points of Normality", I shall introduce the "Events of the Evening". And you can probably see where this is going...
My mother, in the course of staying with me tonight, started watching Duel in the Sun
which was playing on TCM.Event 2
. Simultaneously, I opened about 15 browser tabs of fanfiction to peruse.
(Incidently, it was all from various slashfic communities.)Event 3.
I got a call from one of my best friends that, by the sound of it, was going to be very long and full of loud laughter and general nerdishness.Event 4.
I left the living room to take said call. (I'm courteous like that. Go figure.)Event 5.
Unknown to me at the time, my mother, in the course of watching Duel in the Sun
, decided that she wanted to look up information on the lead actress, Jennifer Jones.>>>>WARNING: We are now approaching the punchline. If you are consuming liquid of any kind, there is a distinct danger of accidental launching of nasal-based aquatic projectiles.<<<<Event 6.
I had, without thinking, left the browser window on my laptop open and displayed for all to see. Whilst looking for the browser, my mother apparently got an eyeful of an absolutely gratutious, slash-tastic bit of pr0n, as displayed in the hottest and dirtiest part of the scene. No shortage of words that make the American public squeamish for the the sake of well-written sexy man-love.Event 7.
I come back from the other room, see my mother at my computer with a look on her face somewhere between "slapped with a fish" and "SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE!!!
" Event 8.
This look was immediately followed up with a quick minimizing of the browser, and the extremely timid statement of "I was just trying to look up something on the Internet. *gulp*"
Of course, all of this hit me way after the fact, damage long since
done. I can't even finish reading the story in question because all I can picture is the literary peepshow I left FOR MY MOTHER to find.
But the kicker to the story is: my mother was exposed to, not only my taste in fanfic, but presumeably my taste in pr0n...
...and it was her own damned fault for not asking to use my computer in the first place.
In the aftermath of a "Most Hilarious (In Retrospect) Moment of Awkward" like this, all you can do is die of embarrassment, or get caught in a terminal giggle-loop.
HAAA!!!!" *falls off of chair laughing*
P.S.: Anyone ever notice that "awkward" is the most awkward word to spell in the English language?